How precious!


How creepy.
Anyway, it's a boy. His name is Jared. He has Jacinta's skintone, and shares his mother and father's eyes and hair.


Colby: Oh babies! How I ADORE them!


It's true. He's the only one who actually pays attention to the poor child.


The Ashtons didn't get the whole enshrine-your-heir-in-a-portrait thing. Consider yourself lucky, Jacinta Penvellyn!


Lol.


I don't know what kind of thief would plan on stealing a toilet but he's pretty darn excited about it.


Toilet King: I'll snatch your lavatory next time, Penvellyns. Next time...
Also, that police man may join my legacy any time he likes.


Dumping your child on the floor to answer the phone is A OK!
Colby: You book the train tickets out of this place and I'll be there, girlfriend!


Though I suppose my forgetting to put a roof on the hell hole I like to call the nursery is not any better.


COLBY TO THE RESCUE!


Colby: Hey I finished your portrait. This means I get plenty of woohoo now right?
Jacinta: YES PLEASE. *grins*


Celebrate good times. COME ON.


His cheeks are terrifying.


What is this? Jacinta REPAIRING something? *gasp*


Well, I guess if her loverboy Thomas over here ever needed to use the shower then it is a total must.


Colby continues to shower love upon little Jared.


While Jacinta continues to shower love upon not so little Thomas.


Spirit fingers!


He's too cute for me to fear those mountains on his face.


Colby is equally adorable.


If completely immature.


Jacinta: What is this on the side of your face... OH MY GOD!
This is the only attention Jacinta pays to Jared.


She'd rather be smustling in the kitchen. DUH.


This leads to the imminent eruption of the oven of course.


You again!


Jacinta: HELLO! I AM ABOUT TO VIOLATE YOU WITH MY MASSIVE EYE CAVITIES.


Thomas: THANK YOU VERY MUCH!


Thomas: Your girlfriend and I just played some games!


Colby: Oh boy! I love playing games with her too! We have something in common, let's be best friends!


Who is this woman and why does Jared have a look of utter glee on his face?


Jared: Bot-tle? I don't believe I've ever been given one of these before!


Regardless, he still learns how to use the potty from Jacinta of all people. Her body language is not comforting.


Neither is this D:


The dates continue ever so slowly.


COLBY! I LOVE YOU! I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES!


Jacinta: Uhhh =/
Is she nuts?


Surprise surprise.


This is a rare and beautiful moment. I have a feeling Colby really likes Jared, but his wants always revolve around money.


Jacinta on the other hand...


Sorry, you lose. Please try again.


It seems that Jacinta is dreading the impending arrival.


But I bet you would be too if your first child could FREAKING LEVITATE D:


Lol glitches. You show us your slick air moves, Jared.


I am just as confused as you.


Birthday time!


Jared: OH MY GOD GO ME BEING A KID IS THE BEST THING EVA!!


Uh yeah Jacinta, you're kinda late for the festivities.


I see you've grown into those cheeks! Jared is looking far cuter as a child.

Virgo
Neat 8
Shy 1
Active 8
Playful 6
Grouchy 3


So the 8 neat points would probably explain Jared's obsession with cleaning.


I love it though!


So I'm really stupid and in the midst of rebuilding the house I deleted Jacinta's portrait. Colby painted another of course. At least she's smiling in this one.


It definitely reflects her annoying playful nature.


Speaking of playful, Jared is your typical child who indulges in one of my numerous pet hates: jumping on the bed. It would be adorable if they didn't almost burst into flames and get taken away by the social worker.


Baby!


It's a girl called Alice. Same colouring as Jared. I'd even call her his clone except for the fact they don't share the same dad :O


So apparently the whole floating in the air thing wasn't just a one off.
Jared: If I try hard enough I'll shoot through the roof and escape! VICTORY WILL BE MINE.


Jacinta: ARGHRGARDH WOULD YOU JUST STOP EXISTING?!


KACHING!
I totally forgot to check Colby's inventory when he first moved in, but it turns out he had a stash of fabulous objects tucked away in those bright blue pants. This man just keeps getting more amazing.


Definitely Jacinta's son.


Colby continues to act like a proper parent, even to the kid that is not actually his.


And to his own child of course.


Who else would keep an ever-watchful, borderline-stalker eye on Jared?


Certainly not Jacinta! She only hugs him when he welcomes her home from her rough, tumultous day at work. It benefits Jacinta, of course.


Colby's all "oh my god must look prestigious must get child into private school" so he invites the Headmaster over. Loving the dye job, oldtimer. Matches the eyebrows like a charm.


Headmaster: The number one requirement is that you must like soda. Do you like soda?
Jacinta: *glazed look*


Headmaster: CONGRATULATIONS YOUR CHILD GOT IN! >:O
Colby: Why are you snarling?
Headmaster: Uhh...


While Colby withstood the Headmaster's wrath in the other room, Jacinta made some moves on this guy she brought home from work. These were by no means successful.


In fact you could say they were disastrous. I totally did not intend for this to happen.


Colby: YOU'RE DEAD TO ME WHORE.
That Other Guy: Meh *walks off*


NOT HAPPY, JAN.


No seriously, she's really quite upset.


Confusion much? I personally don't feel it's possible to be cheated on, happily meet the guy you're girlfriend has been cheating on you with, lose her as a best friend and immediately fall in love with her. I'm sure this happens only in Colby's world.


Jacinta busted her ass apologising.


Yet Colby still ended up sleeping on the couch. LOL.


Yeah this can't be good.


Jacinta: I have SOOOO many best friends. I used to be best friends with your dad, but that was a long time ago! Hopefully you grow up to be just like me!


Jared wanted to fish because he wanted to piss me off and waste the family funds by inserting a lame pond.


The Fish: TAKE THAT LOSER.


Jared: I'm a privileged boy, It's great I gotta tell ya,
Privileged boy, my Dad can buy and sell ya,
It really doesn't matter that you're on the list in front of me,
I'm gonna get your table 'cause I always tip the maitre d',
And then I'll go to Yale, because I am a legacy,
I'm better than youuuu!


OH REALLY?


Alice's birthday!


She definitely has Thomas's nose. CUTE.


Nevermind, I take that back.


At least she looks like a girl now.


First a pond, now a womrat. I named it Roy Batty for whatever god awful reason.


Jared: Roy Batty, how I love you!


Jared: Tell me ALL your secrets! We'll be BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!


Why is this the only toy they play with? I'm partial to the xylophone myself.


Roy Batty had to move outside into the hall because he kept Jared awake at night. Now Jacinta will keep Roy Batty awake at night! Karma, Roy Batty, karma!


MUST. FULFIL. LIFETIME WANT.


Psycho.


I'd be pretty scarred for life if I chose to watch my mother give birth but ok.


It's a boy called Hamish. Same colouring as the other two.


HFAJHEHSUV! She's adorable D:


I'd love the number of your interior decorator, Hamish! Oh wait...


Your eyes aren't deceiving you! She did this AUTONOMOUSLY.


She's still the same person under this new layer, though.
Jacinta: When you're older I want you to try and kiss as many girls as you can!


Jared: But I'm not headed for the same spiralling downfall as you mum! For... I'm better than youuuu!


Because letting the other child drink from a spoilt bottle next to a dirty newspaper while you talk to your real, privileged son about sumo wrestlers is the way to deal with your girlfriend's cheating.


Avert your eyes, my beloved Alice!


Alice: Mama, dada?


Alice: Whatever! *shrugs*

The end. I don't have any witty final lines because this HUGE update absolutely killed me D: