The Penvellyns

Generation 3.0

Sun, 23 Dec 2007 01:07:42 GMT

My boyfriend bought me Bon Voyage! This means this post involves lots of fairly pointless BV pictures. Enjoy!

Jared returns home from uni. He looks kind of sad.

I suppose you would be too, if you were greeted with this:

You shake that ass, Hamish.

Jared wastes no time in inviting Adriana over.

Welcome to the family, you poor, poor girl.

Gemini
Fortune
Own 5 Top-Level Businesses (lol ok)
Sloppy 4
Outgoing 7
Active 8
Serious 3
Grouchy 3

She's cute even when making these hideous faces.

Dude, you're girlfriend is totally hot and you'd still rather gaze deeply into Roy Batty's eyes? Serious issues.

Rushed engagements are the best kind.

Hooray! *throws confetti*

Hamish meanwhile, has discovered his rebellious side and now enjoys sneaking out. And yes, ALL TEENAGERS OWN LIMOS.

Then again, you can't really enjoy sneaking out if you've never actually succeeded in doing so.

ROFL. Because Jacinta is the Queen of Trustworthiness after all.

I love these two together :)

Finally! Enough cash to start up a garden. Putting Jacinta in charge of the fruit trees was probably not my brightest idea.

I'm just as confused/terrified as you, Hamish.

What have I unleashed into this household? D:

WEDDING TIME!

It seems that Venkat got parole just for the special occasion. Who would have guessed that he was a balding 50 year old man underneath that beanie?

Congratulations Adriana, it seems that you have started the Smustle Epidemic of 2007.

So a grand total of about 5 guests showed up to the actual ceremony, as of course the rest of them were all too busy doing this:

Aww.

WTF COLBY?
Jared: HOLY SHIT I CAN TOTALLY SEE WHAT MY DAD IS THINKING. AND HE'S THINKING ABOUT HOW HOT MY WIFE IS!
Stupid Dormie Girl: BALLS.

Why is it that Hamish is a great dancer...

yet it is virtually impossible for him to get the smustle right?

Rule #1 of being married to Jared Penvellyn:
NEVER flush while he's in the shower. He'll divorce your ass!

Jared: OMG NAKED WIFE!

Lol Alice and Lemon Shirt.
Alice: You sitting on the toilet is SUCH a turn on!

HONEYMOON TIME!

I send them to Twikkii Island, just because.

As you can see...

they both utilise all the natural aspects the island has to offer.
/end sarcasm.

Oh no, here we go.

Andddd that was about the extent of the trip. No just kidding, they just love each other truly madly deeply.

These pose things are amazing!

Lol Jared, you are the MAN.

Adriana on the other hand, is being massaged, not by the MAN, but by a creepy man.

Hot Local: HANG LOOSE EVERYONE!
Adriana: WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU >:(

Jared: Yay this is sooo much fun! I feel like I'm 6 again!

OH DO YOU NOW?
Also, how weird is hammock woohoo? I feel as if I've been violated just watching it.

These tours suck. And so do you two, since you were both all LET'S GO ON A TOUR!!! So STFU.

Jared: HANG LOOSE!
I know this is going to become incredibly annoying.

Back home, Hamish finally manages to sneak out of the house.

Jacinta: What do you prefer? Make up or-

Colby: HEELS HEELS HEELS!

Except that heels in a hot tub is kinda illogical, Colby.

Aww, after sex cuddling.

Moving on from that eye sore of an experience, Adriana gets a job.

And gets fired immediately.

The Repo Man then shows up...

and takes a couch. (Honestly, good riddance. I've been meaning to replace those heinous things for the longest time.)

The fact that Hamish is approximately 16 years old and already successful in the legal profession probably makes things worse.

Today has been a good day for Adriana.

Anyway, she gets started on Jared's portrait. It's all kinds of creepy but I'm too lazy to get a new one painted.

Hamish: YEAH I JUST REACHED THE TOP OF MY CAREER BUT I'M KINDA MAD FOR SOME REASON.
Lol yeah, just rubbing salt in the wounds there buddy.

Maybe THIS will make her feel better! It worked for Jamie Lynn.

Fire dancing while pregnant is probably not the best idea. You know, just putting it out there.

I got new default eyes. I think I like them? I'm not sure yet.

Oh shut the hell up, I'd totally boot you out of the house already if I weren't so lazy.

Jared: OMG MUM IS DOING SOMETHING REALLY BAD!

Hamish: OMG MAKE HER STOP!

Uhh, eating something that looks kinda burnt? I don't know.

Jared: *has a heart attack*

Headmaster: O HAY EVERYONE!
Oh of course, she invited the Headmaster over for a date. Silly me.

Jacinta: Rockets are so awesome!

Jared: THIS ACT OF ADULTERY IS TOO MUCH TOO HANDLE!
If I recall correctly, you cared very little when your parents weren't married.

Colby: Hey sexy lady, call me some time *wink wink*
Yeah, maybe if you didn't live in the same house AND weren't her father-in-law.

Can anyone explain to me what Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist are doing in the personal family photo album?

Anyway, Adriana finished the portrait. Just lol.

Hamish: My brother rules for having married a hot chick!

Jared and Jacinta aren't getting along so well, unfortunately.
Jared: HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON DAD EVEN THOUGH YOU'VE DONE IT EXACTLY 22 TIMES IN THE PAST? HUSSY!

Speaking of these dates, Colby encounters this guy, who will hopefully be added to that count in the near future.
Colby: *stares*
Ginger Meggs: *stares*
Colby: *stares*
Ginger Meggs: *averts eyes*

Jacinta: SPDIHGFOIHBSDBFUIH I HATE MY SON!
Oh honey, you'll scare him away with those faces, I can assure you.

WHAT DID I TELL YOU?

This guy is definitely no ho.

Jared: *angrily snips at fruit tree*
Watch out girl, Jared has some secateurs, and he's not afraid to use them!

Hamish brought this kid home.
Adriana: Do you know what sex is?
Nice way to be greeted, I'm certain.

And Colby brought Pedo McPederson home. I didn't know the athletics track was the ideal career choice for pedophiles. The more you know.

In a desperate attempt to escape from Adriana, Hamish's friend resorts to the hot tub with probably the worst person imaginable.

Pedo McPederson: Hey kid, mind if I deflower you?

You made the right choice buddy.
Pedo: *snarls*

Adriana: So! As I was saying before you made such a quick exit, sex leads to babies. And babies lead to tacky maternity wear :D

Hamish takes it one step further: sneaking out in his PJs.

BUSTED. Lol at him trying to look all innocent in the back seat. At least we learnt one thing from this: never sneak out in your PJs.

Baby time!

It's a boy named Austin!

Oh crap.

And another boy named Noah.

Caring little about the twins, Adriana gets another job in the military. Let's hope she manages to keep this one.

Jared: HANG LOOOOSE DAD!

Fail, Colby. Fail.

But he makes up for it by scoring this chance card wonder again! Thus leading to achieving his LTW :)

And we end this update with Hamish leaving for university. Enjoy your life in the sim bin, Hamish!

Hooray for gen 3! Finally, amirite? Thanks for reading :D

Generation 2.4

Sun, 16 Dec 2007 11:28:04 GMT

Sorry for the serious lack of updates, you guys. I'm home for the holidays, and thus I've just been enjoying the time with my friends. But today I bring you...

THE COLLEGE UPDATE!

Here is YA Jared. He is gorgeous. Don't ask me why he suddenly wears glasses. I do not know the answer.

And YA Alice, who is equally as beautiful.

First things first, let's choose majors! Alice picks Physics and Jared Economics.

The obligatory uni = study picture. These kids do nothing but.

Oh, but of course! Jared also enjoys writing in his diary while freaking out at the idea of someone potentially reading it. Sitting in front of your sister and some dormie probably doesn't help much, genius.

Alice on the other hand, likes dancing while thinking about what an "awesome" dancer she is. Or maybe she's just being vain and self-absorbed? Probably.

They both also love SSX 3.

And when I say love, I mean they spend every waking hour playing it. It's not healthy, you guys! ~~Trust me, I would know.~~

So sweet little Jared who never did anything mean to anyone ever before, suddenly decided to bring out his dark side in uni.
Jared: Hey, what's that on your top?

Jared: FLICK LOL!

Jared: Hahaha! Now I know why Alice was such a bitch!

This went on for some time.

Long enough to make the girl cry.
Jared: I ATTACKED YOU FIRST I KNOW, BUT YOU'RE MAKING ME REALLY MAD RARGHRGG!

Alice meanwhile, worked on a term paper...

told some unfunny jokes (seriously girl, I ain't laughing) about visits to the optometrist...

and then... dun dun dun....

ate some mac and cheese!

Whatever happened to this girl? I miss her!

Jared: I learnt how to walk! That makes me pretty hot, right?
Jared is in love with this girl. Apparently the spacy/high look is his kind of thing.

This is what Jared would call dancing.

I would call it: PREPARING FOR LIFT OFF!

~~Mohawk~~ Mullet Man: Eating so much will make you fat! Maybe you should go start some drama to burn off those excess calories!

Excuse you ~~Mohawk~~ Mullet Man, but why would she do that when she could play this enthralling game of darts? Get a clue dude.

And with this super sexy boy, nonetheless.

Yeah so ~~Mohawk~~ Mullet Man can secretly see the future or something.
Crotchety Old Hag: Yes yes yes! Stretch those legs open wide!

This sick bitch is loving it, you can so tell.

The following pictures are fairly unnecessary:

I just wanted an excuse to point out how ADORABLE I find Jared. He is inching that little bit closer to heir.

I have a pillow fight with my sibling every time I finish a semester of school, too!

Sometimes I even pick fights with unsuspecting victims as well! Jared and I have so much in common.
Alice: LOL THIS IS SO AWESOME!

Yeah ok, this is where the similarities end.
Pussy.

Alice: I love your hair! I didn't know that colour fell into the black bin!
Sassy Purple-Haired Ho: For your information Miss Au Naturale, this is Garnier 100% Blue Black! I am TOTALLY in the black bin! >:( >:( >:(

You seem confused, Alice. Let me explain.
You are inherently mean. It is your way of life. This is why being nice DOES NOT work for you.

Jared: I finish every semester on the Dean's List. I'm kind of amazing like that *wink wink*
Green Waft Girl: Zzzz.

Green Waft Girl: OMG I LIKE HATE SNOW TOO, WE ARE LIKE SOOOO, LIKE TWINS OR SOMETHING!
Jared: ...

Jared was all OMG BUY A ROBOT BUILDING MACHINE THING so I bought one.

IT'S MAGIC!

You don't know what you're in for, buddy.

Oh. So apparently you're in for the ~*~love of a lifetime~*~
Alice: Boy, you're so fine! You work that lemon shirt!

I don't know why, but Jared decided to don some dark, souless clothing and sit alone outside in the cold night.

Jared: My, what an unexpected snowfall we have!

All the better to emo to, my dear.

Alice is having fun in the snow too.

What's this? A NICE snowman?
...
.....
*blinks*
HAHAHA.

She then proceeded to build an army of sweet as sugar snowmen because she literally has no friends at uni.

Exhibit A:

Alice attempts to dance with fellow students. They fail to detect her presence, while Alice fails to dance in synchronicity.

Exhibit B:

A school mascot makes a friendly gesture at Alice. This gesture is not well received.

Alice: Maybe if you were dressed as a robot instead of a llama, I would find you TOTALLY hot!

Speaking of robots, Jared continues to try and woo this one in particular.
Jared: That green waft is so sexy, and totally highlights your green tunic! LET'S GET ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.

Assuming that pathetic attempt at romance didn't work, the only thing left to do is punish his failure by sleeping in the snow. AS YOU DO.

Jared and that girl still don't get along by the way.

Ill-Fitting Shorts Girl: TAKE THAT! THE POWER IS IN MY PANTS!
Jared is also still a damn girl.

As is evident here, everyone in this dorm...

has well functioning hormones.

Yes, even this guy.

Oh wait. EXCEPT JARED. Standing in a room full of girls, Jared doesn't find a single one attractive.

It seems Jared actually prefers males, yet this one obviously does not prefer Jared.

The same guy also doesn't like Alice, but probably only for the fact it appears as though she hasn't showered in a month. Sorry to break it to you man, but while the Penvellyns may suck, your shirt totally doesn't reach your pants. And THAT, is a failure of epic proportions!

Maybe if you had actually WON this wouldn't be a problem right now.

Jared tries to redeem himself.

AND FAILS.

WHINE WHINE WHINE.

On a lighter note, Alice eventually hooks up with Lemon Shirt.

GREAT SUCCESS!

She's totally daring enough to cop a feel on the first date. Whore.

Jared also makes some serious improvements in his life. I am so proud of you bb.

As a reward for finally punching that girl's lights out, I send him to some college community lot to find some sweet ladies.

LOL THIS IS INDEED MY IDEA OF A REWARD. No, really now. Cancel action. Click. Walk here. Scope room.

UGH PLEASE.

Much better!

Oooh! Her, yes yes yes?

Please go jump into a raging pit of fire, thank you!

Jared: I'd bang you if you were wearing a tiny pink dress right now!

Hot Girl: I am WAYYY too good for this loser!
She's cute, but I'm still iffy.

Well, aren't you an idiot.

Hellooo, gorgeous!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Hot Girl: Boy you better watch out! I'm so fierce! Flags will be waving when you see me coming!

It's a shame he finds you revolting like 99.9% of girls on the planet!

Hot Girl: I'm hotter than the sun! Can you handle all this?!

As a back up plan, he totally can.

Rofl one-sided crush. Our boy is hard to please.

For some much needed relief from the tragedy that is Jared's love life, I shall present to you all the Stupid Dormie Syndrome (SDS).

Sufferers of SDS present one single symptom: stupidity. This is characterised by their inability to realise that Jared Penvellyn's desk is not the only desk within the dorm.

Other indications include a pile of homework outside Jared's room.

And an even bigger pile inside his room.
(HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE? HIS DOOR IS FREAKING LOCKED!)

Alice became fat, by the way. Not that you can tell easily. I missed her "OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT FAT EVEN THOUGH I ATE WHENEVER I WASN'T WRITING A TERM PAPER OR TELLING BAD JOKES!" face.

Well look who called! That really gorgeous hideous girl from the community lot.

Jared: You like TV? I HATE TV. We obviously have nothing in common.

Jared: I've been beaten up by a girl TWICE by the way. I'm not very manly or buff. Definitely not boyfriend material.

Jared: I know we have our differences, but I'd like to honestly say that I think you would look beautiful in a pink dress!

Ill-Fitting Shorts Girl: Aww really? Thank you! I was just thinking of buying this pair of gorgeous pink pumps, what do you think?

Jared: HAHA! If you wanna look like a fat whore, go for it!

Alice, being a genius and all, decides to perform the school cheer in front of the rival mascot.

I just knew this was a dumb idea.

A really dumb idea.
Also, this dress completely hides the fact she's fat. I need to get me one of those!

Alice: I COULD TOTALLY SLAP YOU UP RIGHT NOW IF I WEREN'T BEING SO GOOD IN COLLEGE FOR SOME REASON!

Anyway, Jared has the same amount of chemistry with this girl, whose name is Adriana, as he does with Hot Girl. Way to deceive me with your "uhh I dunno, I'm your typical guy" facade, Jared!
Jared: Did you know that I lost a fight not once, but twice to Ill-Fitting Shorts Girl? I'm manly enough to admit that!
Ill-Fitting Shorts Girl's Dorm Room Picture: BWAHAHAHA.

Adriana: LOL THAT MUST HAVE BEEN A MAJOR KICK IN THE BALLS!

Oh Alice, aren't you supposed to be the smart one?

Adriana: I think you're so sexy, girlyness is a big turn on for me!

Jared: I'm so glad my feminine form and actions, even as I cower here like a girl, appeal to you!

EXCELLENT WORK! Also, check out the repeat offender of SDS. Idiot.

Aww :)

Anyway, time to graduate!

Adult Alice, though the shirt would suggest otherwise.

Bye bye Alice!

That leaves us with our heir. Sorry Alice lovers! I'm sure she'll pop up from time to time.
Jared is heir because he's a little more unique looking, was far more interesting than Alice in uni and because he thinks he's Scottish. All good reasons!

You know what this means... gen 3 is FINALLY on the way! Took me long enough, right? Thanks for reading :D

EDIT: I JUST realised I was calling some guy with a mullet Mohawk Man. I WIN AT LIFE.

Generation 2.3

Mon, 03 Dec 2007 23:07:21 GMT

So we open with Jared failing at life, aka more evidence that I suck when it comes to these aspiration rewards.

Though you can't blame me for Jared being a complete loser.

So after Jacinta's intense dating fiasco last update, Quinten has taken to stopping by every single minute of the day.

This doesn't phase Jacinta, of course. She continues on her dates at a painfully slow pace.

It also doesn't phase Alice or Hamish, who have a fabulous new toy. It sends them to new heights, if you know what I mean.
Hamish: ALICE! LET'S GO TRAVELLING! CAMPS! VILLAGES! TOWNS! CITIES!

Hamish: WE'LL TAKE A PLANE! HERE TODAY AND OFF TO SOMEWHERE ELSE TOMORROW!
And this, my fellow simmers, is why one should NEVER invest in this damn bubble blower. Which is why I deleted it the next day.

Yes Jacinta, Ventrilo-Farting on your date is definitely the way to her heart.

Yep, I can see it melting already.

As it turns out, Jared has weird and possibly incestual dreams about his crusty old mother. This is fairly disturbing to hear.

Alice: Hey mum, your loins ALWAYS seem to be quivering. You should probably get that checked out.

What's this? Jacinta performing an act of domestic duty?

Nevermind.

Jared: Morning Quinten, how are you today? Having fun stealing our paper? Haha, of course! See you later Quinten, for your regular afternoon bin kicking!

Date 14/50. HECK YES I'M DOING SO WELL.

Yeah, I totally wasn't kidding when I said Jared had a thing for mummy dearest.

Alice: I'M SUCH A NERD I'M SO AWESOME I WIN AT SCHOOL I DESERVE A CROWN.

Ugh Hamish. UGH.

However, for bringing cute little girls home you have redeemed yourself. ROFL KILT MUCH?

Jared-Wannabe: Skool is so kool! Everyone is kool! Except your sister.

No, she's totally right. Alice has a grand total of zero friends. Unless that is, if you count homework as a BFF.

The whole "I'm just stealing your paper" thing got tired, so Quinten shifts to "I'm in your yard, exercising on your lawn" phase.

Jared = date 15/50.
No, I'm kidding! I swear!

Oh Thomas, I was wondering when we'd be seeing you here.

Alice: Hey! Remember a couple of years back you slept with my mum? I'M THE RESULT!

Yes Thomas, how quickly they grow without your knowledge that they ever existed. It almost brings a tear to my eye. Almost.

Thomas: So have you enrolled her in violin lessons yet?

Thomas: I'm hoping that she'll make it big in the corporate world one day.

Thomas: And eventually become President of the Universe.

Colby: Alice? President of the Universe? HAHAHA.

Colby: Congratulations on dating my girlfriend, by the way!

So for some random reason, Pedo McPederson invited Jacinta and Colby downtown. And what do you know! She hates Thomas.

Just loosening her up for a date later. Jacinta has all these things planned you know.

This doesn't excuse the fact that her and Colby both suck at karaoke.

So while Jacinta attempts to woo some poor girl into flying away with her, we discover that Pedo McPederson finds Jacinta revolting. I'm sorry, Pedo? OH WAIT. That's right, you prefer the Penvellyn CHILDREN! How silly of me.

Meanwhile, Hamish has frightening nightmares about that girl that Jacinta once dated. You think I'd remember her name what with there only being 14 of them so far.

He then confuses that awesome light for a thinking cap.

Hamish: WHAT IS MY LIFE?!?
I don't know son, I don't know.
On a personal note, WHAT IS MY LIFE?!? was my senior english teacher's favourite phrase. I swear she'd say it on a daily basis, she must have hated us that badly.

Ok so apparently they never actually dated and this picture represents the date now. Her name came to me in a vision by the way, ~*~Sassy Black-Haired Ho~*~ of course. And yes, it appears that Jacinta immediately wants to marry her.

The family invests in a maid, even though they probably wouldn't need one what with our neat freak child slaves Jared and Hamish running around. Her name is Cherry. Yes, Cherry the Maid. Oh the jokes you could make up on your own. Anyway, she's pretty foxy.

Colby agrees with me. Secretly, in the bathroom. Don't hide the love man, I doubt Jacinta would care.

Yay. Another date.

Hamish brings another little girl home. A definite pimp in the making.

She's obviously interested in older men, though.
Little Girl: Hey Hamish's dad! Can I stay the night?

Colby: Sorry kiddo, I don't see you in my imminent future.
Which roughly translates to "I don't want to go to jail." I kid I kid!

Let's try and get Hamish and Alice into private school!

Headmaster: YOUR HOUSE SMELLS LIKE FEET, NO THANKS.

So because they failed to get in, due to some glitch where he wouldn't sit down to eat dinner (RUDE), everyone goes a little insane.

Colby: What do you mean Hamish isn't good enough for private school? All my kids were meant to be overacheivers!
I don't know Colby, a man should be the reflection of his father. Tsk tsk.

I send him fishing to cure the crazies.

It doesn't work.

Uhh, 17/50? With Poorly Fitting Attire Man.

As you can see, Jared is not at all bothered by the PDAs happening in the background. Alice could definitely learn a thing or two.

Aww, summer lovin' you guys.

Sandy from Grease formerly known as Little Girl: Hehe, come catch me loverboy! *dons a seductive leather catsuit*

Rofl Cherry the Maid = date 18/50.

And that crazy hippie girl soon follows.

20/50! A major milestone that needed heavy emphasis, I think you would agree.

Alice becomes a teen. Outside. In the rain. Only Alice would.

Pretty cute. She looks a lot like Jacinta.

She rings in teenagehood by immediately farting. Now what did that Headmaster say about feet?

It appears that Alice's growing pains have also surfaced on the loading screen.

So with Jared at work the family enjoys a lovely meal while discussing how much Hamish hates politics. But where's Alice?

Eating alone in her room of course. Purple was probably not the best choice of wall colour now that I think about it.

Anyway, I decide to send Jared off to uni because it's about damn time.

Jacinta: Bye honey! Date lots of girls in college!

Colby: YOU WERE MY FAVOURITE I'LL MISS YOU SO MUCH! Cry cry cry.

Alice: HELLOOO? WHY IS NOBODY PAYING ATTENTION TO ME?

Jacinta: Pillow fight! Hehehe.

Alice: OMFG WHAT WERE YOU THINKING HITTING ME IN THE FACE WITH A PILLOW? FEEL MY WRATH! *Powers up*

Oh yeah, she rolled Knowledge by the way, with the LTW of becoming Chief of Staff. This is way fitting, considering after all, that her BFF as a child was homework. So of course, she is the first Penvellyn to ever succesfully don the thinking cap.

This results in a true masterpiece.

Meanwhile, ~~Danny~~ Hamish has a hard time juggling Sandy and Jared-Wannabe, who I have now decided to rename Rizzo. Simply because she looks like a little whore.

So let's try this private school thing again, shall we? I'm pretty sure Thomas kicking over the bin will make a lasting impression.

Great success!

Colby becomes ancient! I contemplated changing his hair, but he rocks that weird dirt mound shaped faux hawk even in old age.

Then he and Jacinta get engaged. Which yes, is really weird when you think about it, but Jacinta has been worrying about it a lot lately. And I wanted Colby to be the official gen 1 spouse.

They get married on the spot because I'm lazy and they aren't getting any younger.

Jacinta has dated her before! I thought we discussed this already, you crazy matchmaker!

But fuggedaboutit!

Hamish grows old too!

Hamish: I WAS ENJOYING BEING A KID PIMP RAGFAGFDHFARDG!
Shut up, I already hate you.

So he's really cute. But in a weird way. He rolls Popularity (WHICH I DESPISE), which is also fitting because he was such a dab hand with the ladies. Also, since I totally forgot his stats when he was a kid:

Gemini
Reach Top of Law Career
Sloppy 4 (lol what?)
Outgoing 9
Active 8
Serious 3
Grouchy 2

It is only ok to have fun with Alice when Alice wants to have fun first! Also lol matching PJs.

Hamish brings this hottie home, just as you'd expect from Mr. PIMP over here.

He attempts to woo her over chess. Yeah umm, I don't know either.

Of course, Alice is with Mr. Homework as usual. But what's this?
Alice: You're exceptionally HARD today! How could you betray me like this? I thought we were BFF FOREVER! FEEL MY WRATH! *Powers up*

Gross. 21/50.

How is it possible that Jacinta manages to repair the computer with no mechanical points, yet Colby electrocutes himself not once, but TWICE?

Oh of course. The lure of online dating was a strong enough barrier.

Quinten eventually made his way into the house. No one invited him in. He just walked in. I can forgive him though, because he's GORGEOUS.

He didn't harm anyone anyway. He just played chess alone the entire night.

Colby: Remember when Hamish learnt the potty?
Jacinta: Oh the memories!
The only thing I ever remember from Hamish's toddlerhood was how EMO he was.

By the time I actually get Jacinta's LTW we'll probably be up to gen 10. I'm definitely considering giving up.

Umm, I'm pretty sure that's because you tried to steal our toilet.

But fuggedaboutit! 22/50. And we meet in the bathroom, once again.

This is the FIRST time Jacinta has ever wanted to fall in love. Not only does she want to fall in love with the guy who tried to steal her toilet, but she wants to fall in love with a guy called Venkat. His name is Venkat King. It's not such a far cry from Toilet King, right?

She gets her wish.

Alice is still weird and alone and friendless.

While Hamish collects more people for his growing brothel.
Guy: Hey dude! Have you ever gotten totally wasted?

Hamish: If that means I can cook a mean fried egg, then yes!

Jacinta: Alice! Alice! I have a funny joke to tell you!
Alice: Please! I don't dabble in dirty, tasteless jokes! TALK TO THE HAND!

Anyway, I send Alice off to college. She and Jared will be the main contenders for heir, because I hate Hamish's aspiration. Yes I know my founder is a pleasure sim but I just hate popularity so much.

So that's it for today. Next time will be a college post! Yay. Thanks for reading!

Generation 2.2

Sat, 24 Nov 2007 23:06:48 GMT

The removal of the kilt has resulted in a less psychotic, haggis-loving Jared.

And thus led to this. That's a BIG word!

Meanwhile...

WTF NIKKI THE NANNY?
I'm pretty sure this constitutes gross misconduct.

Nikki the Nanny: Guhh *dribbles*
Can you spell intelligent? Because Jared can.

Gross, make your own caption.

Nikki the Nanny: Your brown hair provides a great contrast to my grey! Let's get juxtaposed together baby!

Alice: Oh my god, mummy is cheating on my daddy I've never met with my nanny! Cry cry cry.

Alice: LIFE IS SO HARDDD! *seethes*
Jared: *emotionless*

Why must you look at me with those piercing eyes and chiseled jaw, Jared Penvellyn? Do you want me to fall in love with your scruffy hair and boyish good looks? Because it is definitely not working.

That's right, girl. Just dance the pain away.

In other news, Hamish evolved. The word frumpy springs to mind.

Well at least he looks a lot better when he's not smiling at me.

He got the must-clean-everything-in-sight gene from Jared apparently.

But all that hard work means SNACK ATTACK TIME!
He's basically a fatass.

If I may digress, THIS LIGHT IS AWESOME.

Alice is a prime example of a depression eater.

Alice: FUCK PEACE! EVERYONE SHOULD BE ANGRY LIKE ME!

Jared: OMFG RUDE.

Nikki the Nanny: Hey Alice! Me and your mummy were thinking of going around the world in 80 days. Wanna come?
Hamish: Night time is great!

Alice: SCREW YOU WHORE! I'M GONNA GO LIVE WITH MY DADDY WHO LOVES ME!

Alice: DON'T TOUCH ME! WE'RE ONLY HALF RELATED ANYWAY WEIRDO!

Alice: I love you, you're my only friend :(

Well no wonder she hates you, Hamish. Stalker.

Jared, where'd you get those juggling skills from?
Jared: I got it from my mama!
Of course.

There is some serious Colby lackage in this post so far. He corrects this problem by farting on a plate.

Jacinta: OMG VALUABLE DAYS HAVE BEEN TAKEN FROM MY LIFE!
Oops.

Ode to Roy Batty
Roy, the two of us need look no more
We both found what we were looking for
With a friend to call my own
I'll never be alone
And you my friend will see
You've got a friend in me

Jared: Congratulations on being born!

Hamish: YAY FOR ATTENTION!

Sit the hell down, Hamish.

As you can see, Jared is THE most popular person in the entire world.

Oh wait, apparently his school disagrees. Lol suckerrr.

Hamish: HOLY CRAP THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!

Alice: Whatever bitches.

Hamish: Hey dad, did you know that elephants are the coolest animal ever invented?

Colby: WTF boy are you trippin'?
Lol dejected.

Colby: Seriously kid, what did you expect? I am a ZEBRA MAN myself!

I reiterate, why do they ALWAYS have to dance in the most cramped, grotty locations in the entire house? Also, the pattern of Hamish being kind of creepy is becoming very obvious.

So thanks to her shitty legacy god and that fabulous green juice over there, Jacinta became an elder. She's still working it.

Jacinta: Let's celebrate my way too early birthday by doing the smustle, kids!

I think you are just a little off there, Hamish. Just a smidge.

Jacinta: How dare you make me more age appropriate!
She secretly loves it.

Tickling Alice is only acceptable when Alice gets to tickle you first!

MOAR DATES! MOAR!

Sorry hun, you don't know what you are getting in for :(

Jacinta: Want a present? I'm totally not trying to bribe you into liking me or anything.
Rofl matching pants.

Jacinta: Did you know my son...
Nikki the Nanny: *resents Alice in the background*

Jacinta: totally set fire to his kilt once! Biggest mishap in the history of this household!

Alice: I already knew you were a whore but why must you make me do this again! Whine whine whine.

In a less dramatic turn of events, Jared gets a job in the Adventurer career track. Only because Colby is all son must become overachiever! Son must win at life!

Sorry, but who are you again? Lazy-eyed Paris Hilton?

Nikki the Nanny: GET AWAY FROM MY WOMAN YOU SASSY BLACK-HAIRED HO!
You all know Alice is heading off to her room to cry herself to sleep, by the way.

EVERYONE is hot in this house! Except Nikki.

Oh hey, young Kennedy Cox! Actually, his name is Knut Corsillo. Yes. Knut. Like a Harry Potter coin.

Meanwhile, Jacinta is making some sweet moves on Sassy Black-Haired Ho.

Boring Girl: Your girlfriend is way hot! I dated her by the way!

Colby: Uhh...

Colby: Actually I agree! We have something in common, let's be best friends!
This happens way too often *shakes head*

Jacinta: Did you know my son...
Seriously, Jacinta. Time to get yourself a new piece of lame gossip.

Does this look like a dating service to you? Hell no bitches, STFD!

Jacinta: Hey, congratulations on using my house to mack on sassy ladies *shakes hand* BAHAHA SUCKER!

Jactina: THIS IS TRULY SIDE-SPLITTING!

Lol Jactina I love you.

Aww :)

They will always be a beautiful couple. Let's just forget that Jacinta is a dirty whore.

Jacinta: HOW DARE YOU RUB MY BACK!
Ok nevermind what I just said.

So it's another snow day, and this time Jared actually gets to stay home. This means he gets to listen to his retarded little brother. This means snow days are actually zero fun.

Alice of course spends the snow day doing chores and wallowing in her misery.

Ew.

Alice: Oh hey! Of course I know who this is! It's my nanny who wants to make out with my mummy and who also ruined my life!

Alice: TIME WILL NEVER HEAL THESE SCARS!
You tell her where to go!

Jacinta's clothing was making my eyes bleed so I sent her downtown.
Jacinta: How dare you criticise my clothing and send me shopping!
Yeah yeah yeah.

So once inside I let her scope the room.

She of course, finds the hottest person alive to be that pedo, Poorly Fitting Attire Man. And hey Quinten! Hey Thomas!

Jacinta: You're so foxy! I'd love to date you!

Poorly Fitting Attire Man: You're kinda old for my taste but you're still flying off my charts, baby!

Moving on, Thomas totally hates that other pedo, Pedo McPederson. However, he's staring with distaste at this seemingly innocent girl, so perhaps he hates her too. He is a complete double threat.

He also hates Quinten.

He hates him enough to get into a fight with him.

But he is amazing enough to whoop Quinten's ass.

This woman also hates Thomas.

And Thomas and Quinten now hate Jacinta.

Jacinta: Uh oh...
Girl, you better get your running shoes on.

Thomas: HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON ME EVEN THOUGH I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN FOREVER?
Quinten: Yeah you go man even though you beat me up like two seconds ago!
Rofl at the cashier being all "LOL AWESOME!"

Thomas and that girl then proceed to fight...

while Quinten slaps a ho.

This has been a sad day in the life of Jacinta Penvellyn. Not to mention ~*~dramatic~*~

But at least we learnt one thing: Thomas is fierce as hell. I think it's safe to say we all know where Alice got her crazy streak from.

And we end with Jacinta moving on quickly. Of course.

That's it for today. Rofl gen 2 is taking a ridiculously long time. Sorry you guys.

Generation 2.1

Mon, 19 Nov 2007 11:27:56 GMT

Colby is still seething from Jacinta's all too obvious betrayal. As you do.

Jacinta on the other hand, is trying out the foreign concept of motherhood. M-O-T-H...

She doesn't get it. So we enlist the help of a nanny. We all know how well these ladies work out! This particularly special one's name is Nikki.

Nikki the Nanny: My work here is done!

No Nikki, it's actually just beginning. And you my friend, have made the correct choice in deciding to pick little Hamish up.

Jacinta continues on her dates, even though I just know there is no way in hell I can get 50 for her.

This is partially due to the matchmaker, who gives us this guy. Yeah, remember him? If I recall correctly, a blind date implies that you don't actually KNOW or have DATED that person before. Shame on you, matchmaker, shame!

The postie is pretty excited to date Jacinta. YOU WOULD BE IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU.

Jacinta: I LOVE A MAN IN UNIFORM! Except I think Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn would say this particular material is uncomfortable for you. Perhaps you should...
Jared: MUM! MUM! MUMMMMMM!

Jacinta: Oh... I... uh...
Jared: I AM SO AWESOME I AM SO SMART. RAH RAH RAH.

You mean Alice learnt to walk without smart milk? From Jacinta? Who wasn't wearing a thinking cap? LOL.

Jared missed the schoolbus one morning.

As you can see, he was too busy talking about the latest hot fashions with Jacinta.
Jared: Electric blue sun hats are soooo in right now!

Jared's Big Day In (aka the day Jacinta learnt to love)

Jared's big day in begins with a simple request: that Jacinta reads him a story.

This particular story benefits not only Jared, but his mummy too! You learn something new about toy cars everyday!

As it turns out, having a kid isn't so bad! They can teach you all sorts of things, such as dancing...

handstands (it's all in the oversized monster slippers!) ...

and how to love thy neighbour. Today has been a good day.

But it doesn't end there! At least not for Jared.

He makes a new friend, who shares the same interest in abnormal footwear.

She's somewhat unfortunate looking though.

Jared also realises she's a total bitch.

Puff the Magic Dragon: Did I throw it too hard? OOPS sowwie! Hehehe!

Moving on, it's Hamish's birthday!

He's Magnum P.I., you guys.

Colby's learning to move on. Jacinta's cheating is now a matter to smile about. Good job on turning that frown upside down :)

Who are you and why do you like our kids so much?

You'd think having 8 mechanical points would prevent this kind of thing but apparently not.

Lolz.

Pedo McPederson over here doesn't mind that Colby is now a delicious shade of burnt.

Pedo McPederson: That ashy hue really sets off your eyes!
Colby is naive and flattered as usual.

Why thank you Postie! You are a beautiful man. Even in your uncomfortable clothing.

It seems Jacinta is settling in well to a motherly lifestyle.

Oh. Spoke too soon.

Sup, smooth operator?
Jared: You will definitely come in handy when I am the same height as you!

Headscarf Girl: Hey kid, this headscarf allows me to read your thoughts! And don't worry, your unsettling secrets are safe with me!

Ta da! Jared grew, and now he is almost the same height as Headscarf Girl.
He rolled Fortune with the LTW of Become Business Tycoon.
He is also Colby's clone.

Except that he wears a damn kilt. Nationality crisis, much? I'm pretty certain you AREN'T Scottish, my dear.

All I did was give him new hair but he was ecstatic. Time to break out the whiskey and ale.

Alice had her birthday the same day. She is a QT. THOMAS NOSE.

Sagittarius
Sloppy 3
Shy 4
Active 10
Playful 10
Nice 7

Colby: OH MY GOD MY SON WEARS A SKIRT!
True fact.

Jacinta: I've set the kitchen on fire several times! I'm pretty hardcore like that.

Alice is also fairly hardcore.
Alice: RARHRAGEBLAHRAHR TOILETS ARE SO UNNECESSARY.

Alice: FEEL MY WRATHHH!

Hamish is the most emo toddler I've ever had.

But then again, considering who his father is...

Jared gets high off the smell of ~~haggis~~ bass.

Colby: You should live with your father!
Alice: Let's settle this fair and square biznatch!

YOU LOSE.

Colby: YES I BEAT A LITTLE GIRL AT PAPER SCISSORS ROCK! I AM THE MAN!
RUDE. Alice will now live here forever, and ever, and ever, and ever... *cough* sorry.

Jared is still obsessed with cleaning.

And Jacinta is still obnoxious.
Jacinta: WHO CARES ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT?

Jacinta: EVERYONE should watch more TV, leave it on when not in use, and vastly increase their environmental footprint!

Headscarf Girl: Don't listen to your mum. Look after nature, discard material needs. Money is the root of all evil.
Jacinta: DIE IN A FIRE, HIPPIE GIRL!

Jared is still majorly obsessed with Roy Batty, his first and only friend. I love that Roy has his own dust clouds.

Colby still sleeps on the couch, by the way. He normally wakes up before everyone else to save embarassment but Jared caught him out this time. Just don't look in his direction and pretend like it never happened kiddo.

Solution: Read pornographic novels instead!

So apparently Alice lacks a functioning brain.

Alice: YOU my friend, are the best wall of this entire house! I don't know how you do it man.

Hamish: Wah wah. I'm sad. No one pays attention to me, instead they talk to walls. Wahhh.

LIAR.

Jared is utterly compelled by his very own entry on a stuffed bear he must have written as a child secretly without my knowledge. Yep. Makes total sense.

Oh my god, beds should be banned. Then all you bitches can sleep on the cold, hard floors!

That face is a little unique.

Time to go ~*~SHOPPING~*~
Because Colby and Kilt Boy are in DIRE need of some new threads.

Poorly Fitting Attire Man: Hello little girllll. Do you like.... socccerr?
This town is full of pedos.

STEP AWAY FROM THE DRESS JARED PENVELLYN. BACK. OFF. SLOWLY.

Strike a pose, pretty boy!

Colby on the other hand, doesn't know how.

Alice doesn't get any new clothes because that green thing is pretty adequate. This confuses her immensely.

This guy's face confuses ME immensely.

Seriously buddy, just lay off the poor kids ok?

So their restaurant conversations are intensely lame. Also LMAO at Puff the Magic Dragon being in both these pictures. I didn't even notice until I went and resized.

That cake looks really good. It must be, if one must eat it in such a manner. It's almost bigger than her head.

EXCUSE YOU ALICE PENVELLYN. DON'T YOU MEAN
THNKS FR TH MMRS?

Why anyone would choose to dance in a grotty, mould infested bathroom is kind of beyond me. Especially with the OTHER child.

Alice: Hey Colby, check it out! Colby! COLBY!
Colby: Boy oh boy this badger painting is AMAZING!

Jared, what will you do if she discovers your entry about the teddy bear?

Alice: Watch me do a handstand or everyone will know your secret!
Jared: *claps nervously*

Amazingly enough, Jacinta manages a promotion.

She's still the same girl on the inside, though.

You know things are a little off when your eldest is the one caring for your youngest whilst you juggle cups.

Hamish: MAMA I WANT ATTENTION!
Jacinta: Not right now honey! Mum's busy acting a fool!

Because furniture makes me want to throw up all the time too.

Not too good for the cheap, plastic chair are you now, little girl?

Jacinta: Those other two aren't half bad. Maybe this one is just as awesome!

....

Jacinta: WHY MEEE?

~~Tom Selleck~~ Hamish: 1
Jacinta: 0

Of course Colby is hogging the bathroom in a glorious array of girlyness, right when Jacinta needs to clean the puke from her face.

I'll admit, I have dreams about myself all the time too.

Pillow fighting should also be banned. This is because:
1. It drives me mad.
2. Nobody just pulls pillows out of their butts.

Colby: NOM NOM NOM!
Jacinta: *sniggers*

Time for some wise words from Ted.
Jacinta masquerading as Ted: Don't wiv a wife of cwime!

Jacinta masquerading as Ted: Become Pwesident instead!

Jacinta masquerading as Ted: But don't rely on books! Your muffa will show you da way!

Ventriloquists and their dummies are creepy as hell, by the way.

Jared: I am soooo fine!

Actually, I totally agree.

You think he would have learnt by now.

Hello? Since when did cavemen have extinguishers?

Jacinta: Oh my god, what have you done! IDIOT!

Apparently abuse works on Colby :)

And that brings this update to a close. Thanks for reading!

Generation 2.0

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 06:11:04 GMT

How precious!

How creepy.
Anyway, it's a boy. His name is Jared. He has Jacinta's skintone, and shares his mother and father's eyes and hair.

Colby: Oh babies! How I ADORE them!

It's true. He's the only one who actually pays attention to the poor child.

The Ashtons didn't get the whole enshrine-your-heir-in-a-portrait thing. Consider yourself lucky, Jacinta Penvellyn!

Lol.

I don't know what kind of thief would plan on stealing a toilet but he's pretty darn excited about it.

Toilet King: I'll snatch your lavatory next time, Penvellyns. Next time...
Also, that police man may join my legacy any time he likes.

Dumping your child on the floor to answer the phone is A OK!
Colby: You book the train tickets out of this place and I'll be there, girlfriend!

Though I suppose my forgetting to put a roof on the hell hole I like to call the nursery is not any better.

COLBY TO THE RESCUE!

Colby: Hey I finished your portrait. This means I get plenty of woohoo now right?
Jacinta: YES PLEASE. *grins*

Celebrate good times. COME ON.

His cheeks are terrifying.

What is this? Jacinta REPAIRING something? *gasp*

Well, I guess if her loverboy Thomas over here ever needed to use the shower then it is a total must.

Colby continues to shower love upon little Jared.

While Jacinta continues to shower love upon not so little Thomas.

Spirit fingers!

He's too cute for me to fear those mountains on his face.

Colby is equally adorable.

If completely immature.

Jacinta: What is this on the side of your face... OH MY GOD!
This is the only attention Jacinta pays to Jared.

She'd rather be smustling in the kitchen. DUH.

This leads to the imminent eruption of the oven of course.

You again!

Jacinta: HELLO! I AM ABOUT TO VIOLATE YOU ~~WITH MY MASSIVE EYE CAVITIES.~~

Thomas: THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

Thomas: Your girlfriend and I just played some games!

Colby: Oh boy! I love playing games with her too! We have something in common, let's be best friends!

Who is this woman and why does Jared have a look of utter glee on his face?

Jared: Bot-tle? I don't believe I've ever been given one of these before!

Regardless, he still learns how to use the potty from Jacinta of all people. Her body language is not comforting.

Neither is this D:

The dates continue ever so slowly.

COLBY! I LOVE YOU! I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES!

Jacinta: Uhhh =/
Is she nuts?

Surprise surprise.

This is a rare and beautiful moment. I have a feeling Colby really likes Jared, but his wants always revolve around money.

Jacinta on the other hand...

Sorry, you lose. Please try again.

It seems that Jacinta is dreading the impending arrival.

But I bet you would be too if your first child could FREAKING LEVITATE D:

Lol glitches. You show us your slick air moves, Jared.

I am just as confused as you.

Birthday time!

Jared: OH MY GOD GO ME BEING A KID IS THE BEST THING EVA!!

Uh yeah Jacinta, you're kinda late for the festivities.

I see you've grown into those cheeks! Jared is looking far cuter as a child.

Virgo
Neat 8
Shy 1
Active 8
Playful 6
Grouchy 3

So the 8 neat points would probably explain Jared's obsession with cleaning.

I love it though!

So I'm really stupid and in the midst of rebuilding the house I deleted Jacinta's portrait. Colby painted another of course. At least she's smiling in this one.

It definitely reflects her ~~annoying~~ playful nature.

Speaking of playful, Jared is your typical child who indulges in one of my numerous pet hates: jumping on the bed. It would be adorable if they didn't almost burst into flames and get taken away by the social worker.

Baby!

It's a girl called Alice. Same colouring as Jared. I'd even call her his clone except for the fact they don't share the same dad :O

So apparently the whole floating in the air thing wasn't just a one off.
Jared: If I try hard enough I'll shoot through the roof and escape! VICTORY WILL BE MINE.

Jacinta: ARGHRGARDH WOULD YOU JUST STOP EXISTING?!

KACHING!
I totally forgot to check Colby's inventory when he first moved in, but it turns out he had a stash of fabulous objects tucked away in those bright blue pants. This man just keeps getting more amazing.

Definitely Jacinta's son.

Colby continues to act like a proper parent, even to the kid that is not actually his.

And to his own child of course.

Who else would keep an ever-watchful, borderline-stalker eye on Jared?

Certainly not Jacinta! She only hugs him when he welcomes her home from her rough, tumultous day at work. It benefits Jacinta, of course.

Colby's all "oh my god must look prestigious must get child into private school" so he invites the Headmaster over. Loving the dye job, oldtimer. Matches the eyebrows like a charm.

Headmaster: The number one requirement is that you must like soda. Do you like soda?
Jacinta: *glazed look*

Headmaster: CONGRATULATIONS YOUR CHILD GOT IN! >:O
Colby: Why are you snarling?
Headmaster: Uhh...

While Colby withstood the Headmaster's wrath in the other room, Jacinta made some moves on this guy she brought home from work. These were by no means successful.

In fact you could say they were disastrous. I totally did not intend for this to happen.

Colby: YOU'RE DEAD TO ME WHORE.
That Other Guy: Meh *walks off*

NOT HAPPY, JAN.

No seriously, she's really quite upset.

Confusion much? I personally don't feel it's possible to be cheated on, happily meet the guy you're girlfriend has been cheating on you with, lose her as a best friend and immediately fall in love with her. I'm sure this happens only in Colby's world.

Jacinta busted her ass apologising.

Yet Colby still ended up sleeping on the couch. LOL.

Yeah this can't be good.

Jacinta: I have SOOOO many best friends. I used to be best friends with your dad, but that was a long time ago! Hopefully you grow up to be just like me!

Jared wanted to fish because he wanted to piss me off and waste the family funds by inserting a lame pond.

The Fish: TAKE THAT LOSER.

Jared: I'm a privileged boy, It's great I gotta tell ya,
Privileged boy, my Dad can buy and sell ya,
It really doesn't matter that you're on the list in front of me,
I'm gonna get your table 'cause I always tip the maitre d',
And then I'll go to Yale, because I am a legacy,
I'm better than youuuu!

OH REALLY?

Alice's birthday!

She definitely has Thomas's nose. CUTE.

Nevermind, I take that back.

At least she looks like a girl now.

First a pond, now a womrat. I named it Roy Batty for whatever god awful reason.

Jared: Roy Batty, how I love you!

Jared: Tell me ALL your secrets! We'll be BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!

Why is this the only toy they play with? I'm partial to the xylophone myself.

Roy Batty had to move outside into the hall because he kept Jared awake at night. Now Jacinta will keep Roy Batty awake at night! Karma, Roy Batty, karma!

MUST. FULFIL. LIFETIME WANT.

Psycho.

I'd be pretty scarred for life if I chose to watch my mother give birth but ok.

It's a boy called Hamish. Same colouring as the other two.

HFAJHEHSUV! She's adorable D:

I'd love the number of your interior decorator, Hamish! Oh wait...

Your eyes aren't deceiving you! She did this AUTONOMOUSLY.

She's still the same person under this new layer, though.
Jacinta: When you're older I want you to try and kiss as many girls as you can!

Jared: But I'm not headed for the same spiralling downfall as you mum! For... I'm better than youuuu!

Because letting the other child drink from a spoilt bottle next to a dirty newspaper while you talk to your real, privileged son about sumo wrestlers is the way to deal with your girlfriend's cheating.

Avert your eyes, my beloved Alice!

Alice: Mama, dada?

Alice: Whatever! *shrugs*

The end. I don't have any witty final lines because this HUGE update absolutely killed me D:

Generation 1.0

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 09:17:20 GMT

So as some of you may know the Ashtons exploded in a glorious display of brotherly love. After yelling at my dear sibling for a good half hour I marched right back home and reclaimed my desktop. Thus, I give you the Penvellyns. I was completely original and named them after Jane Penvellyn and her awesome family from a Nancy Drew computer game. Anyway, WARNING. This is your typical play by play legacy because that is how I roll. I apologise in advance if you find it miserably dull.

This is our founder! You can tell already that she's a bright spark.

The vacant expression just gives it right away.
Her name is Jacinta Penvellyn. Her stats are as follows:

Taurus
Pleasure
Have 50 1st Dates
Neat 8
Shy 4
Lazy 4
Playful 7
Grouchy 2

She loves fat people with beards, but hates formal wear. Not like that will account for much when attempting to have 50 damn 1st dates.

Oh yay legacy shack blah blah blah.

But honestly, this is just an excuse for me to say "look at my conformity to the rules!"
I'm hoping to break none (mostly none) this time around.

Jacinta's first visitor is some lady from the garden club.

Garden Club Lady gives a riveting account of her skiing experiences. We all know she's a damn liar.

Riveting, I said!

Jacinta is the Head Bitch In Charge. This is the word according to Jacinta, and also apparently, the Garden Club Lady.

Welcome wagon! These are quite the fine specimens. Yes, even that barely legal teen over there.

This is when I realised my default face replacements were a little too pretty.

Check it out, the side of the shack isn't painted! Lol at me painting the front to fool you all.
That teen is also a DAMN LIAR.

Jacinta attempts friendly-relations-leading-perhaps-to-sexual-relations with the redhead, whose name happens to be Quinten.
Quinten: Haha! I sure am gonna call the cops on you now that that legacy god of yours has revealed your sly intentions!

Quinten: Hehe the court case against you is gonna be a blast!

Jacinta: Hahaha lolz chuckle chuckle agreed!

Because those relations are going nowhere Jacinta enlists the help of the crazy old matchmaker.

If only everyone were this pretty in real life!

Jacinta figures the way to this guy's (Thomas, I believe) heart is through a game of catch.

Yet proves that she has zero skills in this sport. Probably any sport for that matter.

Looks like things are going swimmingly!

WRONG.

No, Jacinta lacks ball catching skills AND firefly catching skills. Thomas left them as a present for such a wickedly awesome amazingly rad date.

But they died.

Jacinta managed to get a job. She wanted a typical career like slacker but I set her straight... on the course for a big cash flow that is!

What a surprise! You're really good looking too!

Reading in your underpants is tough work.

Time to take a break!

She's gonna mess your shit up yo. Dawg. Zippity zoppity.

Lol what is this date 2 out of 50? I love that the stars which would imply confusion match his facial expression.

Jacinta: Hey boy, you are fine! I'm digging those high-waisted shorts!

Apparently that didn't work out because she invited Quinten over.

So evidently that guy never left. Jacinta doesn't know the meaning of discreet.

This is her reaction when I ask her to flirt with Quinten, who is of course, standing right behind her.
No really, what DOES discreet mean?

This however, is Quinten's natural expression.

What with being a mega failure on the dating scene, Jacinta attempts to make a feline friend instead.

This was not a good idea.

Another date! Colby Nanale. I'm loving the questionable necktie and mottled shirt.

That Darn Cat: Who will it be? Me or the dappled dork? CHOOSE NOW OR THE BED GETS IT.

You are weak, Jacinta! WEAK!

She does manage on the job front, though. In this picture it looks as though she's emitting a fiery red giant from her posterior.

Jacinta earns enough money to paint the three remaining, less conspicuous, walls of her house. No more secrets.

She also buys a stereo. Not to dance to, but to relax to instead, which is now a thousand times more fun!

Uh oh. Things have taken a turn for the worse.

So Jacinta expresses her anger through interpretive dance. At least she's using the stereo for something more constructive, right?

No, incorrect.

To deal with her mental breakdowns, Jacinta attempts to rope an unexpecting victim into living with her, who will hopefully bring in a buttload of cash. The choice between Quinten and Colby was tough, but she went with Colby ~~because I flipped a coin~~.

The hunter makes her move, with the classic seductive face.

She is undeterred by her prey's fashion ensemble, which consists of blue, blue, and more blue, ending with pointy blue elf-like shoes.

She lures him into a creepy gender-switched false sense of security...

and leaves a cheap array of bait out.

The hunted falls for the trap!

YET JACINTA STILL FAILS.

If her changing into her pyjamas and crawling into bed is all it takes to make you fall in love with her, why did you not tell me this EARLIER Colby Nanale?

Colby is a jerk but Jacinta moves on with her life.

But her heart still resides with Mr I'll-flirt-with-you-and-use-your-couch-and-come-between-you-and-your-cat-and-eat
-your-cheap-food-but-turn-you-down-when-you-ask-me-to-move-in-with-you. Aww poor worm. Thou art infected.

SUCCESS. Now you will be subjected to a thousand days and nights of housework, Colby Nanale! Lol at him thinking of dear Jacinta while plunging the toilet.

Run kitty, run :(

Baby it's cold outside.

Don't listen to me though.

That's more like it! Stay INSIDE ~~and make lots of babies~~.

Jacinta: All riiiight.... giggity giggity!

Uh oh.

Whatever...

could...

this mean?

Colby's pretty sexy. Stats time, yes?

Gemini
Fortune
Earn $100000
Sloppy 4
Outgoing 7
Active 8
Serious 3
Grouchy 3

Also, Colby brought 10000 bucks into the household! He's also already a Hall of Famer. You have redeemed yourself, my child.

He's still a whiny bitch though.

Jacinta is in major turmoil and spending a lot of time in bed...

which leaves Colby to do all the various household chores. Not that Jacinta did them in the first place, but you know.

You have exceeded mine and Jacinta's expectations!

Although apparently my choice in furniture hasn't exceeded his.
Colby: Dear diary! Today this cantankerous box was planted in my home! One day I hope to purchase a bigger, less unattractive box with the millions and trillions of dollars I will own in the future. Love your ever annoying fortune sim, ~*~Colby~*~ xxoo

Jacinta continues to act as though she is pregnant.

Well that explains it!

That won't stop her from the lovin' though.

This guy is really creepy because he speaks without moving his mouth :(

Jacinta: WHO CARES? I JUST LOVE ME SOME DELICIOUS BLONDE CORNROWS.

Cornrowed Creep: WHO CARES IF YOU'RE PREGNANT? I JUST LOVE ME SOME FETUS FILLED STOMACH.

This is made even creepier by his revelation that he is the pizza guy.

Colby returns home and he obviously did something awesome. His face contradicts this, though. Perhaps I underestimated him? Perhaps he is a truly humble, smart sim?

WRONG.
Colby: Your hair is a crime! Hehe just joking, I love your shirt!

Cornrowed Creep: I love your girlfriend!

Colby: Really? I love her too! We have something in common, let's be best friends!
:(

Jacinta: Watch out vroom vroom! Baby on board!
Colby: Wtf is that? :o
He was too busy befriending creepy guys to notice.

Seductive face. Time to get it onnn!

With this dog.

At last, some luck with our furry counterparts?

Actually no. The dog also attempted to tear up the bed, so Jacinta proceeded to shoo him away. He of course, was already headed in the other direction. U r a smrt wun.

Beep beep beep beep!
Jacinta: *obliviousness*

Jacinta: HOLY SHIT OMG WTF DO I DO?
You are indeed a smart one.

Jacinta is proceeding with these dates verrry slowly. This is the only picture I have of this guy. I don't know why. He's pretty fine, though.

OH LABOUR TIME.

And I leave you with a cliffhanger. How rude of me.